Whatever we do to cover up our feelings of deficiency just deepens the groove and locks it in place. Making us less able to feel intimacy in our world.
Consider whats difficult to forgive in your life
What makes it so unforgivable
Consider what would happen if you did accept this imperfection
What would happen if you could just accept yourself as you are? --Tara Brach
I love Rumis Guesthouse, but fuck is it difficult to carry through.
“Some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor” I really dislike those unexpected visitors, even in my real home!
“Treat each guest honourably” I kinda think fuck that, some visitors don’t deserve that… but if you pause and breath, just for a moment it can make a difference to your reaction, which could make a huge difference to the outcome of their visit. Do you get what Im saying?
The last 2 weeks has seen me with anger, disappointment and fear. I have an ‘issue’ that I feel things very deeply and these emotions can swirl around in my being to the extent of taking over… someone has said to me its because I have a weak mind!? I thought about that statement and maybe its true but I do believe that the label bipolar has nothing to do with a weak mind. Its more of a double sided blade of being a blessing and a curse. The blessing is that I am able to feel things so deeply, the curse is that it can be painful, and people that can move on quickly, do not understand or don’t want to understand.
An emotion acts on me the way water acts when a stone is thrown into it…the ripples last for a while and extends into all sorts of ares of my pond/body. I am so grateful for the work that I have done in order to understand how I work…I’m still learning and will be forever! And when stones are thrown my initial reaction is to splash all over the place, I don’t, instead I ruminate! But I am managing to catch myself doing this and can direct my mind elsewhere but the emotion will still be bubbling under the surface… but let me not wallow on a label!
There must be a way for me to deal with these emotions that bubble up so intensely in me and so Ive been thinking about practicing these 3 things in daily life to be able to stay with uncomfortable feelings that bubble up.
Sit in the traffic without getting agitated -just be there
Don’t get annoyed with people when they don’t hear what I’m saying -allow them that
Stand in queues patiently without needing to be somewhere else -just be there
Maybe this will extend my frustration tolerance when it comes to really important things like making decisions about my career or family instead of wanting to fix and change things immediately.
Thanks for visiting my rantings