The last two weeks has seen a rather devastating amount of #metoo woman speak up in the clay community across the globe. It makes my heart ache…and not in a pleasant way. We are so unaware and driven by base instincts as human beings, will we ever evolve?
I was 18 and fresh out of a 13 year catholic school stint when I arrived at Rhodes University in Grahamstown, the year was 1990.
It was a complete party, every night, I made the most incredible friends. Friends that I am extremely close too today and will be til my dying day. But my University career lasted all of 5 months.
It took me close on 15 years to acknowledge what I had experienced. A marriage, the birth of 2 sons, the start of a career and generally living my life having blocked out what would inevitably come to my attention at some point.
Back to Rhodes.
I was out and about one evening as one does in a university town. It was late and I was making my way back to my res where I had organised for a key to be left on a window sill so I could let myself in. Sean said he’d take me back there, give me a lift so I accepted and off we went. Sean was a Grahamstown local, he was around 25, big built man, friendly and a cigarette rep for the area. I had met him a couple times since I came to town and he was friendly with a number of people of campus.
So off we went, back to the res where there was no keys on a window sill. Hmm what to do? Wake up the res and get fined or take up Seans offer of his couch? The latter was my choice.
Innocently I thanked Sean and made myself comfortable on his couch…He had other plans.
Did he not realise I wasn’t into him?
Did he not realise I didn’t want him to make a move on me?
Did he not realise I that when I said “no Sean” that I meant it?
Clearly not because he made a move on me and I pushed him away, ready to leave I grabbed my things and he grabbed me first.
I shouted and he put his hand over my mouth.
This is when I realised that I was either going to be beaten to a pulp or relax and let him do whatever it is he had in mind. He put me down on his bed and proceeded to kiss me and tell me its all ok. I pleaded with him nicely and calmly to just let me go, he was having none of it.
Now if you know me Im not exactly a petit frame…in fact I have been called amazonian on many an occasion. There was no way even with my strength as a bigger woman would I be stopping this man. It was like he was possessed, he pulled my clothing off and proceeded to have his way with me. All I remember was turning my head to the side and thinking it would be over in no time at all. Oh and the pain, the pain was excruciating. Ever tried to have sex when youre not turned on or lubricated? Don’t, its fucking sore.
It was over, I collected myself and let myself out. I walked the streets of Grahamstown until I knew the res doors were unlocked. Went back to my room
Maybe I asked for it?
Maybe I was being flirtatious?
Why did I go home with him if I didn’t want to have sex?
Why didn’t I scream louder?
Why didn’t I kick him?
Why didn’t I go to the police?
Why didn’t I go to a friend afterwards?
Why didn’t I ?
Why didn’t I?
I decided to block out the whole of that night.
Nothing happened, I felt ashamed and dirty.
I left Grahamstown a couple of weeks later, I told my mother that “university just wasn’t for me”